What I’m about to write is a something that some of you may disagree with, mostly because we would rather cut our left arm off than allow ourselves to see the truth within us. But as a coach, I would be remiss if I didn’t point it out. My job is to hold a mirror up to those who are sabotaging themselves. So if you want to get mad at me and curse at the screen a bit, that’s okay. I completely understand.

Okay.
So here it is…

Your choices

Everything that is happening to you right now, whether it is negative or positive, is happening because of the choices you’ve made. No one else put you where you are or made you who you are. You did that. And even if someone else played a part in your current circumstance, every choice you made prior to that circumstance put you there.

You are responsible for you. For where you are and who you are. If you don’t like where you are or who you are, you can use the same tactic you used that got you there in the first place: Choice.

I had a conversation with a man about this once and he didn’t like it. He insisted he was stuck in his job and had no other choice but to stay. I told him that wasn’t true. He had other choices. He had lots of choices. No one was forcing him to stay. The only thing that was keeping him where he didn’t want to be was his story.

I am no stranger to difficult times and struggle.

I’ve been laid off and even fired. I’ve been unemployed. I’ve also been in jobs I hated. I had to feed a toddler and put gas in my tank and do all the things we have to do to keep our heads above water.

I could have cursed the employment Gods and blamed outside forces for my circumstances, but that would have only kept me in that space of defiance even longer. You know that space, right? That space where you give up but hold on to your story and maybe even blame someone or something for your current circumstance.

And, if you have to do that, if you have to get angry and blame someone for your ugly situation, go for it. Get mad. But don’t stay there for very long. Process it, then stand up and take responsibility for yourself.

I remember years ago a friend of mine invited me over for dinner after work. I was working in local news at the time. When I entered the kitchen to say hello she greeted me with, “I saw your live shot today. Nice. You’re so lucky. So how is your charmed life?”

Lucky? Charmed? My life is not charmed.

My life is deliberate. Even the ugly parts. No one came knocking on my door one day and handed me a television job. I chose it. I fought for it. Just like no one gave me the personal struggles and addictions that plagued me for most of my life. I chose them. I fought for (and against) them too.

New thought author Wallace Wattles wrote in his book The Science of Getting Rich

Your place in life is not fixed by heredity. Nor are you condemned to the lower levels by circumstances or lack of opportunity.

Nor are you.

Will it happen overnight? Of course not. Will it be easy? Not all the time. Will you lose friends and be criticized and even doubt yourself?

Yep. You’re going to feel pain. But given the choice (which you always have), I would rather feel the pain of growth than of the pain of perishing.

Choose life. In a big way. We will be right there with you.

Joleene Moody is a PositivityGuides writer and Robbins-Madanes interventionist, specializing in offering information that helps readers shift their mindset quickly in order to improve their lives.

See also:

Be more daring, there’s nothing to lose
How to overcome decision fatigue
Making moments: free course