To my body,
Where do I begin? You’ve done nothing but try to do your best for me and it’s never been enough! Since day one, we’ve been in it together but, in recent years, we’ve drifted apart and become two separate teams.
I’m Sorry My Body
I’d like us to love each other again. I can’t remember the last time I treated you with respect. When you were skinny, you weren’t skinny enough and now that you aren’t skinny anymore, I’ve treated you with contempt and anger. I hope this letter can convince you (and me) that you are worth loving, respecting and treating well.
To my hair. I very rarely look in the mirror and think, “Wow you look good!” When you’re long, I wish you were short. When you’re short, I wish you were long. To be fair, you very rarely make it easy for me to love you. You frizz in humidity and get greasy far too quickly. But, if I lost you, I’d be devastated. Thank you for trying so hard to keep me happy.
To my face. Every now and then, I look in the mirror and like what I see. But not all the time. I frequently apologise or make excuses like, “Sorry I look like **** today. I didn’t have time to put any make up on.” I’m sorry for feeling that I need a coating of chemicals and pore clogging liquids and powders to think you look nice. I’m sorry for berating you on the rare occasion I get a spot and I apologise for using the ‘demon’ side of the mirror that zooms in on everything! I’m sorry for constantly looking at my chin from the side and exhaling critically at the hint of a double chin that you seem to be developing. I know that’s not your fault. You are my face. I only get one of you and I promise to be kinder to you from now on.
My arms. Generally, you and I have been alright. However, I’m sorry for waving in the mirror just so I could watch my bingo wings wave back. You work so hard and I appreciate you both.
To my boobs. To be fair, I’ve rarely had an issue with you! You arrived when I needed you to and you have been doing a killer job ever since! However, I’m sorry for cramming you into push up bras and obsessively checking that you are still pointing in the right direction. I promise to try my best to love you as the years go on. I promise to try not to be critical if I have children and allow them to suck the life out of you. After all, you are only here for one purpose and I know you’ll do a great job.
My tummy. Where do I begin? You and I have had the hardest relationship. I’ve poked you, prodded you, and pulled at your excess skin. I’ve sucked you in when I’m around certain people because I convinced myself that they wouldn’t love me if they really got to know you. I only loved you when you were so small that my ribs showed and I’ve never forgiven you for growing to the size you have. Tummy, I am truly sorry. I don’t know if we will every have an honest, loving relationship. But I will try my best.
My bum. Until a certain someone told me how great you are, I used to really dislike you. I’m glad we are getting along so well now but I apologise for waiting for someone else to tell me I should love you.
My legs. We’ve fallen out in recent years. I used to adore you and get you out whenever I could. But, even then, I would complain when you refused to tan in the sun and have always criticised you for carrying my maternal families ‘double knee’ gene. I’ve refused to wear certain outfits in recent years because I felt they made you look stumpy, tree like or….dare I say it? Fat! I’ve glared at you for developing cellulite and I’ve gotten upset with you when wearing a dress causes ‘chub rub’. But, you hold me up. You get me from A to B and without you, I’d be buggered!
My feet. I think I’ve caused you more physical pain than anywhere else. To this day, I refuse to forgive you for growing to the size you have. I’ve blamed you whenever I can’t buy cute shoes and I’ve spent my life shoving you into shoes that were too small. Now, you’re battered! You’re sore on a daily basis, you have lumps and bumps that you wouldn’t if I’d treated you better. I’m sorry!
To my body. The above apologies only begin to scratch the surface. I’m sorry for not respecting you. For abusing you. For ignoring what you really need. For feeding you food that is damaging to you. For over feeding you. For starving you. For cutting and hurting you. For purging. For allowing other people to convince me that you were worthless, fat and unlovable. For wishing you’d change. For saying such horrible things to you. For filling you with toxic crap. For over feeding you. For not feeding you enough. For not appreciating everything you do for me. For covering you up when I’m naked in case the one person who truly loves every inch of you sees your squishy bits. For hating you.
I promise to try harder to love, respect and care for you. Don’t get me wrong, we will have our ups and downs. But I promise to try better to love you for who you are.