Self-acceptance is about getting to know who you are and being happy with that person. If you are constantly beating yourself up about trivial things, self-acceptance will remain elusive.
There was a book written several years called, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. The idea behind the book is people are constantly confronted with minor items they have to deal with. If we let these small items get to us, how can we be prepared for the more important and bigger items?
One great way towards self-acceptance is to celebrate your strengths. Everyone has strengths. Perhaps you are good at diffusing tense situations. You are not fond of having to do this, but most people come to you because of your talent at it.
We can’t be good at everything
Sometimes, you also need to accept what you are not good at. Despite all your efforts, there are going to be situations or skills that you simply don’t grasp. It may be that your personality doesn’t allow you to be good at it. As an example, there are many people who are not good at negotiation.
No matter how much they practice, they simply don’t have the disposition for it. That’s okay. If you need to participate in negotiations, find people who excel at that skill. The key is to recognize when you are not good at something. That isn’t always easy.
Nobody is perfect
You should also accept that you are not perfect. None of us are. This is a big acceptance for many people. We hear the phrase, nobody’s perfect. But, people don’t readily accept it. This doesn’t mean you should be lazy and not try to accomplish things because you pass yourself off as not being perfect. People should always strive to do better. Just know that it will take time and always give it your best effort. No one can ask for more than that.
Acceptance does not mean settling. Don’t let others bully you into believing that you don’t have certain capabilities. You know what you are capable of, and you alone should make that determination. Sometimes, the fact that they don’t believe in you can be a strong force in making something work. You prove them wrong. However, don’t let them put you down to the point where you don’t even try. If you do, then they will win.Keep Yourself Free from Destructive Thoughts
Do you find yourself thinking negative thoughts? You learned these early on, and they get reinforced on a daily basis. It happens on television, the internet, and at work. It happens when you talk to people in your neighborhood. But, what happens when those thoughts turn from negative thoughts to destructive ones? And what if you direct those thoughts at yourself?
Beware destructive thoughts
Destructive thoughts can be a dangerous path to follow. Hopefully, if they are happening to you, they won’t last, and you can get back on track. However, should they continue indefinitely, this should be cause for alarm.
Destructive thoughts, such as feeling hopeless, can turn into depression and despair. This can lead to other behaviors such as heavy drinking or drugs. It can make you withdraw from life and feel like you have nowhere to turn.
If you have been feeling down for any length of time, find someone who can help. If you are feeling depressed and even suicidal, don’t wait to take action. Depression is widely believed to be treatable, and treatment doesn’t always have to be with drugs. A qualified professional will know the right course of action to take. It may even be covered by insurance.
If you feel like you are not yet at a point of being depressed or thinking destructive thoughts, but the thoughts are still negative, you should be able to shake free from this. Start by listing what you have in your life. This doesn’t mean the material things. It’s the people in your life that love and care for you. If your health is good, this is another item to go on the list. These are items that make you grateful.
Visualization can also help alter your mood and your mindset. Think about times when you were happy. What was present during those times? Was it your friends and family? Whatever ingredients were present, try to recreate them.
Although this Guide gives some suggestions for things to try when you are feeling down, it is not meant to be used as advice. Only a qualified professional can diagnose if there is a problem and what to do about it. Don’t take advice from others who are not qualified. Family members may have good intentions, but they probably have not been trained to handle extreme cases of destructive thinking. Even if some are, it’s usually not a good idea to treat family members.
Have compassion for your own failures
If you don’t fail at something, it probably means you haven’t tried. Either that, or you chose something that was too easy to accomplish, and you got it right first time. If you continually look for the easy way, you may not be living up to your full potential. Eventually, you are going to be confronted with something you find difficult to accomplish, and you may even fail at it.
Most people look down at their failures and consider themselves losers when they happen. They look at the profiles of successful people and think that only those people are good enough to make things happen. What they don’t see, is the failures all of those successful people went through before experiencing their successes.
View failure as a gift. It is something you can use to figure out what went wrong. When you observe your steps, you may find that it was a minor flaw in what you attempted. Others would simply give up saying it is too hard.
Of course, you need to hold the belief that what you want to accomplish is possible. Otherwise, you will keep failing over and over again and never arrive at a solution. But, if you are confident what you want to achieve can happen, then stop at nothing to make it so. This is what makes people successful, each and every time.
Consider your failures to be tuition for your projects. As long as you spend the time figuring out what you were trying to do, and analyzing why it didn’t work, you are gaining valuable insight into the problem. Keep going with your efforts even if you fail thousands of times. Hold true to your belief in the project and stop at nothing to get it done.
If there is any formula for success, it can all be boiled down to an unwavering belief in the possibility of the project happening, as well as being tenacious in your efforts to bring it to fruition. In this way, you should never put yourself down for failing. In fact, you should expect it and embrace it. Be suspicious if it doesn’t happen.
It’s sad that others don’t have the self-compassion for failure. These people try once or twice and then give up thinking whatever they were trying to accomplish is not meant to be. If only they gave it a few more thousand or so tries.Do You Live on Regrets?
The past is the past. So why do many people insist on dwelling on it? There is nothing you can do to change what you have done. So move on.
Focusing on your regrets is using up energy unnecessarily. It can also be a source of stress. In extreme cases, it can lead to other bad behaviors like drugs and alcohol. The worst part is, there is no way to change it. So the bad behaviors continue indefinitely because what was done prior will always replay in your mind.
If you concentrate your energies on the present, you won’t have time to focus on the past. Use regrets only as learning experiences, i.e., what you promise yourself you won’t do in the future. But, that should be all regrets are used for. No more dwelling. Just pure refocusing of energy to productive use.
Some past experiences are going to be hard to shake. Losing a close family member can have devastating effects on people and may require more than simply trying to move on. In such extreme cases, you may need to seek out some help from professionals. Try to do this as quickly as possible so that those bad behaviors mentioned before, don’t take hold. If you get caught up in those, you will not only have to deal with your past experience but with your addiction as well.
Sometimes, past experiences can have a way of creeping back into your life, even if you have been successful at keeping them at bay. If this should happen, try to find ways to downplay them. Always, move forward in life. That is the key. Again, focusing on what you are doing now and making a difference in your life will go a long way in keeping those regrets in the past.
Sometimes, it can help to write down about your experience that is causing you regret. This way, you can refer to it in the future, should similar circumstances arise. You can record how you were able to get over it and what you did to move on. Just having that reminder can be enough to ensure that you don’t make the same mistakes twice.
One final thought, it’s equally important not to focus too strongly on the future, either. While planning for the future is a good idea, you still want to have an enjoyable life right now. Some people put everything off to be ready for a future they may never see.All You Need Is Love
This was a very popular song by the 1960’s super band, The Beatles. The chorus would repeat the lyrics, “All you need is love. Love is all you need.” The rock radio stations played the song well into the 1990’s, and you may hear the song on occasion today. In fact, the song played more years than The Beatles were a band. You could say that about a lot of their songs, but this one was top on the list.
The message of the song was loud and clear. The title says it all. And being loved by others is a wonderful feeling. More importantly, you should use this song as inspiration to love yourself. While the intention of the song was not solely for the purpose of finding your inner love, there were hints of it by the lyrics, “Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.”
If you are unfamiliar with the song, look it up on YouTube, or download a copy from your favorite audio channel. It is easy to find. Listen to the song and sing it to yourself after you are familiar with it. If you don’t feel your own self-compassion, sing the song in your head. You may find it will help you feel the compassion. It may not work for everyone and if you feel there is another song that would do a better job, go for it.
It doesn’t even need to be a song. It could be a poem or some other art form. Maybe it is something you create that can help remind you to love yourself. You deserve it just like anyone else. Find some way to give yourself that inspiration.
If nothing else works, just say the words, “I love myself,” over and over. This positive reinforcement will eventually sink in if you let it. You need to do it consistently for that to happen. If other words work instead, then that is what you should use.
The more you confirm that you deserve your self-compassion or self-love, the stronger your confidence will become. Once that happens, you can accomplish anything you desire. Whatever was holding you back will no longer be an issue. You will take on challenges better than you ever have before. In turn, it will make you a happier person and those who you know will recognize it as well. As you can see, all you needed was love.